Magnus Nordlander

Description

Good evening. My name is Magnus Nordlander. I am not using a pseudonym. I say good evening, though of course I don't know what time it is where you are. That is one of the defining sorrows of web sites, that we cannot see each other. Of course, it might have been different, had my partner Johan Bergman inserted the camera I designed to fit snugly into your web site viewing device in order to spy on you, but this was determined to be too expensive, and too illegal and so we are left once again to our imaginations.

The image I conjure of you, dear reader, begins with this web site, for if you are reading these words, chances are you are probably reading these words on this web site, or one so similar to it that it does not matter. Moreover I may presume that you are reading the text on this web site with your own eyes, or possibly mechanical eyes that replaced your own eyes after a terrible accident. If I am correct I may move on to deduce that you are a man or a woman, you are likely a person who has had some schooling, perhaps some training for example in reading and writing. What's more, if you are reading this text on this web site, you are probably near some kind of web site viewing device. Unless you're using a screen reader, you have use of at least one of your eyes, but I suspect you probably wear glasses, for people who read these kinds of texts often go on to read another one, and then more and more, each longer than the last, and printed in increasingly painful fonts.

But let's take a step back, and let me introduce myself. I am Magnus Nordlander. Lead programmer on Smiling Plants. Many people do not know it, but the life of a programmer is a hard life, filled with many chores, such as emptying the many spitoons a programmer places around his apartment, swashbuckling, and binge drinking. If you ever see me, you can be very sure that my swash will be throughly buckled, and that I will probably be very, very drunk. Sadly the common programmer can not afford regular booze, which is why it must resort to a drink loathed by programmers and dentists alike, Jenever.

If you've actually read up until this point, you may be asking yourself "Who is this Magnus Nordlander, and why did he make such a blatant copy of the writings of John Hodgman in his description?"

The answer is of course that John Hodgman is awesome, and that (as John Hodgman himself says) all writers are thieves. I do not recall whether my first (aural) encounter with John Hodgman was while I was listening to This American Life #329: Nice work if you can get it or whether it was while viewing Apple ads. I certainly like to believe that it was listening to This American Life, seeing as how that particular episode is one of my favorites (and one of the few episodes that I actually know the number of by heart). Not to belittle Apple ads, I think the Apple ads are hilarious, but they are certainly not as close to me as This American Life.

If John Hodgman were to actually read this, I have only one thing to say. Woo! John Hodgman visited a website I created (or one so similar that it does not matter)! Awesome! Although I am well aware that those are actually three things.